It’s strange I think, falling out of love with someone. It hurts like acid in your veins and lightning in your soul. Every living moment seeks to drown you. Of course, just as suddenly, you reach a calm. An eye of the storm. You see the person for who they are without the blinders. Without the little concessions you made of their actions and habits. You still love them;You are not in love with them.
It is hard to see through all the raging emotions. Like walking through a blizzard. Snow and wind batter you side to side, you’re sense of direction is nonexistent, the way forward is unclear.
Then the calm comes. A brief interlude to madness. You see the path before you with frightening clarity. You are on the edge of a precipice, you had been trudging doggedly straight to the edge. A narrow path leads to safety, or at least a safer place. The storm starts up again you hold onto that brief glimpse of your path. You try to make your way toward it. Each step heavy and ardous. The wind howls. The twin specters of hurt and anger howl along with it.
Never listen to the specters. They want you to go back, return to the cliff. They only see what was, not what is. The only way out is through. Give nothing to the storm; it will give nothing back.
It’s an easy thing to let caring turn to anger and love become hate. The damage it does can eat away at your mind and leave you as nothing. Be aware of your thoughts and guard them carefully. A stray thought, a hint of memory is a traitorous thing. In this way hope is also to be avoided.
Hope is more insidious than hate. More damming than rage. Hope tells you that things could go back to being okay. It whispers that there is always a way to make it work again. Hope is a damnable poison. There is no going back. No turning around. The reality is that your future is as bleak as what you left behind. So, focus on the now. One foot in front of the other. One day, then the next.
Keep a small spot in your mind. Realize that you loved this person enough at one point you were willing to sacrifice your own self to be a part of their lives. Respect that sacrifice.
Realize that the pain they caused hides the joy they delivered to you. Be mindful, but do not dwell.
In the end it’s simply one more hill to climb. One more mountain to conquer. Eventually the storm fades and the sun shines again. You are not living on the mountain or dying in the storm. It is just a single moment among so many others in your life.