Monthly Archives: April 2012

The Rapscallion


My first real entry into the flash fiction challenge.

Challenge:Travel.  1000 words.

the things that make a journey memorable are often the things that interrupt it.


The queen stares at me. I stare back and light my cigarette. she jabbers something and makes a gesture with her dagger. I wag my finger.
“none of that now.”
I smack the dagger out of her hand and shove her to the floor. I point at her to stay put, and do a quick once over of the joint. Not much jewelry and the place stank to high heaven. after about five minutes I come up with a gold crown,necklaces and an assortment of shiny baubles. Not much, but it’d have to do.
I hear a rustle of silk as the queen gets back to her feet. I drop the loot into my bag and pull up my sleeve. I turn as she rushes me. With the same damn dagger no less. I should’ve picked it up. She yells and lunges just as I push the button on my Watch. A flash of sparks and I’m gone.New dimension, new opportunities, new loot. Pain flares up from my leg. I look to find a tiny gash in my thigh. She had gotten a little too close for comfort.

I look about. Imperial America?  Hope they speak English in this one. I take a stroll. Turning a corner I see an androgynous human in a white spandex suit talking to a hologram;looking up I see cars whizzing through the air. Crap, high-tech civilization; they’re always a danger. If they notice me here, they can probably figure out how my dimension hopping doohickey works. I prefer not to give my targets that much of an edge. I start to hit the button again, when I hear a scream. Two brutish thug types are pulling a neon haired woman into a building. a quick glance tells me ‘Spandex either hasn’t heard or is just ignoring it. damn it. I look at my Watch, I’ve got an hour of run time.
I rush towards the building just as the steel door begins to slide closed; I give it a burst of speed and leap through the closing gap. I tumble to a stop and pull myself to my feet.The screaming has suddenly stopped.        I look up to find the woman and the two thugs now both staring at me. The bearded one snarls and his cyborg-eyed companion grins. The women pulls out some sort of pistol. Unfortunately, I’m the intended target.
“Wording Grotzin.”
The oldest trap in the dimensions. and I fall for it hook,line and sinker. or hook,line and sucker?.
“damn. if I ain’t the stupidest bastard here”
“you’s gitten creddy’s?” She screeches.
“well, second stupidest.”
Cyborg-Eye pulls my backpack off and rifles through. He turns the bag upside down and my lovely gold spills across the floor.
“e’s jus’ baggin geek stuff.”
I look at her and slowly edge my hand for the button on my watch.
“your local dialect sounds like a rusty razor blade covered in shit.”
“wot’s wit’ ‘is tokken?”
Neon-Hair, presses the gun against my temple.
“yous tink yous tuff? I’z grinda yous rite ‘ere”
The bearded thug grabs my wrist and pulls the Watch off, the strap breaks. I grab for it and Cyborg-Eye slaps me with the gentle touch of a falling mountain. my head rocks back. the world spins and I become better acquainted with the floor. A brief second later as consciousness returns, I look up to see Neon Hair pushing random buttons on the watch. Cyborg Eye has wrapped some sort of wire around my wrists. Neon-Hair jabs a button and blue sparks flash around her and she disappears. Both meat-heads cry out in alarm. Cyborg-Eye grabs my collar and pulls me into the air.
my feet dangle above the concrete and for the briefest second I think I can can take him. thankfully that second passes.
“She’s probably in some sort of ecclesiastical orgy temple. or something.”
As I begin thinking up my next smart ass remark that may get me beaten into a fine red paste, Neon shows up again in an underwhelming splash of light. She’s bloody,bruised and there seems to be a small reptilian creature hanging from her hand by its teeth. She shrieks and waves her arms around wildly, trying to throw the tiny carnivore across the room.
Little bugger just clung there, waving back and forth like a tiny green flag.                                                            I burst out laughing. Cyborg drops me and runs to help his companion. Beardy stands indecisively between us. He’s torn on whether to beat my laughing ass or help his glitzy headed strumpet. Lucky for me he chooses the girl. The two gather around their sobbing hussy trying to strangle the scaled terror into submission.
I stop laughing and take a deep breath.
“Activate Voice Protocol Alphonse-Tartarus!”
The trio of reprobates look up at me simultaneously just before they disappear in a burst of blue sparks. minutes pass.
I wait for an eternity. then a dim flicker and the Watch clatters to the floor. sans passengers.
I slice the wire with my pocket knife and reclaim both my gold and my watch.
Never again.No more helping. Doesn’t matter if they’re drowning. I won’t even bother to piss on ’em. not my dimension not my problem. simple as that.
I reprogram new parameters. less deadly this time.
I curse at the empty building and hit the button.
“the hell with this place.”
The sparks fly and a rush of overwhelming heat hits me. The air is choking and my vision clears to a massive apartment building on fire, people look on as the flames roar towards the heavens. Then comes a noise.
“-My daughter! Please, someone!”
I reach for the button again. my finger stops. I glance at the crowd.No one moves.                                               No one speaks.                                                                                                                                                        They just stare.                                                                                                                                                      The mother sobs.
I drop my bag and sprint towards the inferno.



Posted by on April 22, 2012 in Flash Fiction Challenges



randomly ranting

I enjoy watching movies. all sort of movies. sometimes even the schlock. not often but sometimes. As I grow older, I find I’ve less patience for watching new films with other people. I’m not strictly anti-social or selfish. (AKA  a film critic.  I kid, I kid). but I am finding I have less patience for those without patience in the story( this encompasses film,tv,books and pretty damn near anything else with story). The story will begin asking small questions in order to get you interested in the character/story/setting.( why did he make that face when his cellphone rang? how are they surviving in a vacuum? etc.)

Most stories will end up giving you some sort of answer,not necessarily one we like, but an answer none the less. and for those that don’t, them’s the breaks.  I was watching an older movie with some friends who had never seen it. and about fifteen minutes into the film an inane cavalcade of stupid questions came up. all dealing with story plot (that promised to be answered later) or with perceived production flaws. I keep running into this situation as the years pass. less people seem to have the attention span for anything but Micheal Bay flicks. while these are at times enjoyable as straight popcorn theater, they hardly whet the appetite for character development or plot.

Obviously the movie watching public aren’t all twitchy teenagers suffering from ADHD. (though I’m sure many summer blockbuster have these very patrons to thank.) but sometimes it really feels like it. Almost as if  portions of the populace no longer have the ability to just watch a movie. To simply block out all the vapid Bullshit around them and FOCUS.

(Actual Quote as a man getting shot isn’t gouting blood: Well,that wasn’t very realistic!  No shit. it’s a goddamn movie. it’s fake. suspension of disbelief only works if you let it.)

no distractions. no text messages,games,internet, strippers or tequila (admittedly, the last two make watching the star wars prequels much less painful.) There are many movies I enjoy despite not being the absolute best. some are a little hokey; other have low budgets but awesome stories,great characters or neat ideas. I feel that a small negative aspect of a movie should not completely kill its entertainment value. there are of course movies that from every angle seem like the story equivalent of an enema executed by Freddy Krueger; The movies that have a budget far too large to be classified as B, These are the movies that should rightly invite derision, at least to a certain degree. Time and place for everything. I guess it comes down to being able to tell have the patience for a movie be it straight popcorn fluff or something deeper, darker and far more cerebral.

(On the other hand. Uwe Boll. what the fuck. no more. please. just retire somewhere with the mountains of cash and/or cocaine you’ve made from your intentional abuse of audiences around the world.)

But if you happen to be one of those people who feel the overwhelming need to call out anything while watching(why’s he doing that?!!? that couldn’t happen! no one’s that strong/tall/quick/gangsta!) If you would do a favor to everyone else around you, it would be greatly appreciated. take your phone, walk outside,

and call someone who gives a shit about what you’re saying

because I don’t.

okay. rant over.


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Posted by on April 15, 2012 in Uncategorized


So here we go…

My first ever blog post. This entire experience is rather strange to me honestly. I have never been one for writing down my day to day thoughts. BUT (I knew there was a but there somewhere.) I’m hoping this will help me proceed forward with becoming a more fluent writer. Although right now I’m seriously sleep deprived, I feel the need to finish this. So, away! ye damn daemon Hypnos!  I will not be deprived of my bloggedness. Which i will pursue with doggedness……stupid brain.I’m Fine. I’m not leaving now. Nothing will stop me from writing my first post…I swear i can hear the pillow calling me. The blankets promise to croon sweet lullabies as the mattress caresses me to its gentle embrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

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Posted by on April 7, 2012 in Uncategorized